Buddy and Love

Life didn't go well for me recently...
Buddy, means a lot for me.. many of my male friends are my brothers, i call them bro in and out.. but not many people can reach the level of buddy, i can count not reaching 10 people in my life.. they are far worth for me, to take risk, or to sacrifice for.. i thought, buddy is the time, when u feel sad, when u feel down, when u fall, then he is the one that gives u hand, watch ur back, push u on and on.... i really think so... but recently i realize, may be i was wrong.. becoz he is so one of the best buddy, we did helped each other through our lives.. but now..
Love, means so much more than these 4 alphabets.. once upon a time, i lived a life without a real love, then i was in love.. then not again... haiz.. i thought, love is not lying, love is the heart that matters most.. i thought there should not be betraying, should not be "play-play".. i fall myself so deep in the mud of love-pool, make myself so dirty and almost drowning in it, until now that makes me can have myself off completely.. i shall leave this thing away, long time ago, shall i not??
May be it's time to get prepared for my actor audition, daylight in a cheerful, nighttime in a sorrow one..
this is so called actor in a daily life..
i promised myself, i'm not going to cry over these 2 things.. but i can't helped the tears dropping down from my eyes..