Supposed to..

i supposed to... you supposed to... they supposed to..
"Supposed to.." is a very scary term for me, it symbolize something that we wanted at the first place, but we couldn't get it at the last. it also explain something that people expect us to do but we didn't in the end..
Today, i supposed to be happy.. really.. i supposed to be happy.. i help my friend for his interview.. (May Dennis get his job..) little little tiny details things like clothes, resume, transportation.. despite of some technical problems, eveyrthing run smoothly.. i went to library this afternoon, meet lee lee there, 1000 years didn't have her news, neither in UKM nor Batu Pahat.. borrowed a kinda self-enrich book.. had a meaningful afternoon actually..
Therefore, i supposed to be happy, even if i should have not, but also not as sad as i am now.. feeling like i need something for me to cry about, a song, a movie, a book or anything else.. just for me to cry.. cry loudly.. i read an article, the author said people shouldn't keep their thinking in their mind as this is very dangerous.. just like we are building a water dam inside there, the more water we fill in, the higher and thicker the dam wall need to be.. then 1 day when the wall can't stand it anymore, it crush down and the person will go crazy..
i'm not really sure how high my water level is, and i also not sure how long can my dam to hang on in future.. hopefully i can let my "water" out from my mind and heart.. not much, just a few mins, in the form of tears..