The new StoneAge life, of the little Steward Teo..

我不要做仙人掌

2012-01-14T03:39:00.000-08:00

仙人掌好悲哀
它防備了全世界
卻得到了孤獨
你不知道它受了多少的伤害
才会长出满身的尖刺
別傷害一個人
別让他变成一棵仙人掌
因为这样做很残忍
请别来硬撬开我的心房
然后再玩笑地离开
因为我会心碎
我不想做仙人掌

早点回来

2011-12-07T15:23:00.000-08:00

清晨天气有点冷
我载着你去火车站
你说是你第一次骑机车
很兴奋
不会戴头盔
我笑了
风不断从我们的耳边掠过
你说感觉很凉
我在窃喜
送你到了火车站
我目送你离开
我没有陪你等火车
离别的滋味不算痛
可是吞下去很苦
我没有送你我画的T-shirt
你没有戴我送你的发夹
那天送你搭火车
我舍不得哭了
你轻轻在我额头一吻
说你只是去去就回来了
嗯.. 我知道..
我等你
早点回来

知足惜福

2011-12-04T19:18:00.001-08:00

上个周末为一所孤儿院办了两天活动
拜六去打扫屋子, 陪弟弟妹妹玩游戏
礼拜天带他们出游, 博物馆天文馆走透透
虽然我没有帮上什么忙
我快给膳食的事务闹到要抓狂

不过我完全感受到弟弟妹妹们的超级无敌兴奋
他们的雀跃他们的活力充沛
和他们的寂寞
仿佛寂寞了太久, 因为有得出门玩之所以顽皮
心里一直忘不了Marihah小妹妹恐怖的越帮越忙 XD

我不是耶稣我没有他那么爱所有人的心
我不是佛祖我没有他的慈悲和宽宏大量
我不是星云大师我也没有他的大爱精神

心里有时候会抱怨生活的种种不便和困境
不过想一想比起弟弟妹妹们我已经算不错了
衣食住行, 我不至于最糟糕的那个
我没有什么可以好抱怨什么

所以今天早上醒来
告诉自己要改变自己的世界观
放下不平衡
把格局拉大一点
要把欢乐带来人间

算了算, 在我宿舍房间
去厕所 80步
去洗澡间 80步
去洗衣服 97步
去食堂 298步
去拿摩托 206步
对你来说，远吗??
对我而言
不太远，至少这证明我还有能力走那么多步伐

我知足我惜福
(^-^)

那些年

2011-11-27T06:40:00.000-08:00

看了九把刀的那些年..
想起当初他真人给我的热血感觉
让你血液沸腾, 想和他一样捣蛋看齐的激动
心中的澎湃无法形容出来
戏中柯景腾和沈佳宜的爱情
没有发生在水池路国中和高级中学的我
呵呵呵是发生在别人身上的说

有些话, 些些画面
我好喜欢
"人生本来就是有很多事情是徒劳无功的.."
"笨蛋, 你根本什么都不懂!!!"
"我就是幼稚才有办法喜欢你那么久!!"

两人一起放天灯
镜头从下往上拍
左右是两位主角
中间天灯慢慢升空
我看到这一幕
我不知道为什么
好激动好激动
好唯美好唯美
我好喜欢这一个画面

这种浪漫画面没有发生我之前的恋爱中
虽说我很难和另一半去台湾放天灯
没关系反正以后机会大把
哈哈哈不知道还有哪位眼睛瞎了的傻瓜要我
让我有一股好想恋爱的冲动
向趁自己还有那么一点点青春一点点幼稚
好好地谈一场长久的恋爱 XDD

人人常说 "你不要爱的那么不理智.."
但是其实爱情本身就是不理智的东西
我想也许是这样吧
好久没有谈恋爱了
我都快忘了爱情中幸福甜蜜的感觉
我也好想那么不理智一次..
哈哈哈..

(^^,)

我的脑瓜

2011-10-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

我没什么信心
从小到大都是这样
没有把握的事情我都不会做
很多东西都是不敢不敢不要啦不要啦
在爱情里也一样

朋友时常骂我
你没有踏出第一步就推后
摆明了肯定是输的
幸福不会自己走来你面前

我却说是我的就是我的
不是我的我去追也抢不到
摆明了是我自己懒 (哈哈哈..)
我觉得是我的话
你一踏进我的comfort zone
你肯定就被我捕获成为我囚犯

以前性格品质十字架测试
我的性格是身边的人比我还要了解
潜在品质也被开发得七七八八
没有剩下什么神秘感可言

也许我真的不了解自己吧
不懂头顶上的脑瓜到底有多大一个
像手心永远看不见手背
像左耳永远看不见右耳
而我, 永远看不见我自己

(^-^)

Stucked

2011-10-17T05:05:00.000-07:00

I can't online these few days and a lot of things
mostly bad things happened
so frustrated so desperate
yet couldn't online to give a piece of my mind

when we were far far away
we thought we were abandoned
but when we were back
i think things are still the same
at least this is what i saw, what i felt, what i experienced

i thought coming back here will give us a closer relationship
between us and office
yet there isn't the case
now we even not going to to have class in BYS office anymore
but i gotta be there to online anyway..

We are FSKB students... the irony is
we spent three quaters of our student lives in other people's faculty
our office not even in the campus area
or in campus but it's so secretive that only forensic students know the route
do we fit in?? regardless bangi or KL.. do we?? frankly??

i am so sick so tired of doing last minute works
or being blamed for some other people's fault
but what can i do??
i guess the only solution is deal with it
i guess this is the way it always will be, nothing can change it..
nor how many ISO accrediation we can get
nor how successful the 5S system launching like it will improve anything

i want to explain something
so that we won't be always told "why korang suka buat benda last minute??"

we handed in our animal ethical application forms 2 weeks ago
i received a sms from office SO on friday 5:15pm
that we go office on coming Monday to proceed the application
luckily SO was OT-ing, i went there to get the forms
so that i can meet my sp and co-sp on weekend
FYI, My sp is in Kajang, my co-sp is in HUKM
then on friday 5:45pm, only i was told that the application due date is actually on monday

we got 1001 signature to get, like Amazing Race
we called, we sms, busy contacting sp, co-sp, kpf, kppsdkg or like annoying
we even drive to lecturer's house late at night to get her signature
1 at kajang, 1 at HUKM and outstationed, 2 are super duper busy with court cases
luckily tuan amidon had a wedding party on sunday
the only good things happened recently
we manage to get the half of the signatures settled

at the neck of time, when we were getting the biggest signature
then only we were "tendang keluar" that our forms not complete
and luckily again my sp happened to be in KKL for lecture (Thank god)
i settled down 1 form, and found that the kppsdkg office lost my another form
and my sp already went back kajang

very sorry if this came true, but i have a very bad feeling
we will be "tendang keluar" again by BAKA soon
becoz "this one" not enough, or "that one" not correct
our beloved almighty kpf couldn't help us anymore, his power already taken by kppsdkg

this is only the starting of doing theses - animal ethics application
i can imagine how many application i need to make
borrow apparatus, borrow lab, claim money with resits..
and i wonder...

this dec my sp will fly overseas
i'm not even sure will she come back for my viva or my convo
while my co-sp is in HUKM..
i'm a bit lost, and i don't know
i guess the only person who can help me is my busy kpf
and of coz after "n" times of e-mail communication breakdown
can u see how am i going to live my final senior year??

Dear coursemates, some of you are not affected by this animal ethic on-call disaster
if u don't understand how we feel, we couldn't blame you and we bless you
we don't need to complaint, we already complaint so many times and does anything ever changed??
it's ok.. we are tough, we are strong
we used to fix our things in last minutes under "kelam-kabut"ness
like we always know the magic golden finger twitch...
relax-la... on-call je kan??

by the way, i really got a lot of things to say
i need a place for me to shout out loud
and thank u for reading up
sorry for wasting ur time
and sorry to ter-menyinggung your perasaan
my sincere apology
(^-^)

生病还是要写

2011-10-06T00:41:00.000-07:00

这几天病得有点重
应该是长年累月累积下来的后果
半夜呼吸的声音像是邮船上的哨子
咳嗽的声音连我自己都吓倒
像是喉管打了一个大结
怎么咳都松不开来

以前咳嗽太严重, 拉伤肚子的肌肉
(嗯哼.. 好像是肥肉)
不以为意
但是这次夸张一点
连头皮和脸的肌肉都拉伤了
咳得时候就会脸皱成一张纸

快两个星期了
还再考虑要不要去看医生
本人真的很穷啦..
每次去打包晚餐/早餐
连cafe的kakak都问我为什么只吃白饭淋菜汁
虽然我不好意思告诉她我回房间配罐头

哈哈哈..有时候我在想..
如果有一天, 我咳嗽死在房间里
应该没有人知道吧??
要等到尸臭传出去才有人会发现..哈哈哈
相信会很快, since我的房间窗口都没有关
正常的fauna succession绝对不会延迟
(^-^)

不过只是如果而已啦..
大家我还没有死哦~~~
大家要好好照顾自己, 多喝水, 多休息
不要生病哦~~~
加油加油~~~ (^^,)

我的乡愁

2011-09-22T06:56:00.001-07:00

刚才那包nasi lemak还没有吃完
现在继续加料
哈哈哈

我不是不关心国家大事
我只是觉得我连书都还没有念完
对国家的责任到目前为止也只是一纸投票之权
我自认没能力(就算以后也不太可能)
可以把我的宝贝国土变成我心中的乌托邦
我毕竟对政治这种东西很allergy
太黑暗了啦.. 我那么天真善良淳朴无邪君子
怎么进去跟大家一争天下呢??

身边不断有朋友说着毕业过后要移民
莫过于是一种对国家未来没有信心的表达方式
我不是没有想移民的国家
我想去纽西兰和澳洲
不过我的答案:
我会留在这片番薯形状的半岛上
不为什么就故乡这个词
一道强烈的咒在我的心坎里束缚着我的灵魂

人人说巨蟹座恋家
我个人倒是半信半疑
我是很喜欢窝在家里做宅男
但是有时候又幻想着在地球上四处漂泊翱翔

我不知道我能坚持这个答案多久
只要腐败程度还在我可以接受的范围内
没有把我气得想把报纸撕烂
我应该就会继续留在这里扎根萌芽
我只是心里一直想着
如果大家都走了国家前途不是更加没有得救吗??
虽然我希望投身教育界但是也不知道能做多大改变
我只能心里暗地努力用自己的方式
拯救这片绑着我的土地
回馈这片我tumpah darah的地方

至于我很想去的国家
我就把它们放进我背包地图的地点当中
等着时机成熟金钱充裕
我马上去玩个痛快好好体验梦寐以求的异国风情
不过我觉得我还是会中乡愁病只是看迟或早罢了
最好的有时候未必最适合自己

改变国家前途这种大决定
我身边有个朋友很有决心
我之前住在他的Setapak家
我和他的Housemate们都对他很有信心
相信他以后应该会进政治界
我们常说: 我们华人以后的前途，就看你了!! 陈X明!!!
话说以后如果他竞选Wangsa Maju区
我一定改选区, 来这里支持他~~
哈哈哈~~~

短短一篇.. 还是语重心长
见谅见谅海涵海涵

p/s:各位同胞们, 革命尚未成功，同志尚需努力!!
pp/s:恭喜一位朋友求婚成功!! 祝伦哥伦嫂白头偕老, 恩恩爱爱, 永浴爱河~~~

(^o^)

我的那包椰浆饭

2011-09-22T06:29:00.001-07:00

最近椰浆饭课题炒得沸沸扬扬
坦白说我并没有去看
也没有很想很想去看
连我妈和我小姨都看了

可能对黄明志的印象
一直停留在Negarakuku和他对TNB大骂粗口的那个阶段
不知道他成长了多少有没有成熟了
不过既然电影大卖应该是很大阶段的蜕变吧
他把心中的热血从脏话变写实电影这点我很鼓励
给黄明志先生一个"like" 干得好

我心里觉得很多人都很喜欢这部电影
主要原因不外乎是因为大家看得很爽很过瘾
说出了很多华人想说又不敢说得东西
大家看了乐此不彼心中怨气疏解了出来
报纸列出了电影里一大堆"焦点"
反映了社会问题其中不乏一些"小敏感"
不过拍成电影也好至少让大家有醒觉有共识
也让政府有警惕心准备大选前的抢滩大行动
再不改变迟早也是完蛋

我说啊
如果有一天民联走进了Putrajaya
其实我不觉得华人的地位会有任何改变
或者一些种族之间的不平等会解决
毕竟民联里还是有马来人
这种课题啊..
除非有一天马来人肯主动推一步(很大一步)放弃
不然我们怎么争取也争取不了多少

不过相信至少可以减少很多贪污现象
国库不多政府到处津贴
柴油汽油白糖医药教育
我现在也拿着政府的奖学金
不过贪污如果不改善, 国库真的会变空
基于民联什么时候会征服推翻天平四十余年的基础
这个就看人民什么时候要造反吧 XD

至于要杜绝贪污.. 我看也很难
贪污的问题已经从"现象"变成"文化"
仿佛已经存在的潜规则
你要嘛接受不要嘛默默忍耐
我不觉得反贪污局能起多大作用
幕后还是有国阵在垂帘听政
反贪污局也只不过是傀儡

我看不能再写了.. 再写下去
我会被ISA抓的..
哈哈哈..我还要大学毕业的啊
语重心长说了很多
见谅见谅海涵海涵
(^-^)

古城流浪记 – 悟我不谈恋爱

2011-09-22T05:10:00.000-07:00

朝圣地Geographer's Cafe
鼓起勇气进去坐下来点了一杯么么茶
真的不是盖的好喝
小小一杯, 让我喝足了一个小时半
这杯伯爵红茶, 让我省思了很久
我看透了那么一点点
其实我这个人不适合谈恋爱

因为我很忙
学期最后一年让我忙到像鬼酱
毕业论文一头雾水计划报告书焦头烂额
我会非常忙忙到忘了时间忘了陪我的爱人
"早安宝贝, 我要开始忙了"
"晚安宝贝, 对不起, 冷落你了.. 下次补偿你哦.."
"Muakzzz.. 你睡了哦?? 爱你爱你，早点休息, 晚安"
与其这样每天道歉我不如不谈这种布满歉意的恋爱

因为我很穷
我深深明白谈恋爱其实很挥霍
对不起, 我可是一位穷书生
而 "没关系, 我愿意和你一起吃苦.."
这种甜蜜谎言永远不可能兑现
我不如不谈这种'视金钱如粪土'的恋爱

因为我很丑
我的身材不好超肥超级无敌肥
虽然一直保持运动的习惯
但是就是瘦不下来
我不是想找借口
我拒绝把爱情建立在外貌身材上
我觉得很不牢靠
我期待的爱情次序比较接近
先恋爱, 才瘦下来
这对我有很重大的意义不需说明
我不如不谈这种外貌协会式的恋爱

因为我很挑
虽然我的基本条件很简单
我只要对方有自我, 有主见, 不做作
也许是我遇上的人不多加上性格的磨合之后
其实少之又少
不任性不刁蛮
不无理取闹不胡乱猜疑
我不如不谈那种忍气吞声和委屈的恋爱

最重要的因为我很蠢
朋友尼奇说过要爱别人, 要先爱自己
所以这次的古城流浪记也是我爱自己的一步
我常说:The moment when you start to feel love, is the moment when you give it away..
不过今晚我领悟
我要爱自己才能懂得更加适合去爱别人
这样我的爱情才不会爱得太用力
压跑别人也压死自己的心
我不如不谈这种压得喘不过气的恋爱

总之... 总结... 重点就是!!!
我不要先谈恋爱
我要爱自己
(^-^)

大四你在做什么

2011-09-19T07:02:00.000-07:00

最近的心情, 有点灰灰的..
不管如何寻开心, 解决了很多难题..
心里还是高兴不起来
还以为是困在房间太久了
把自己拖去公园晒晒太阳
却发现还是没有任何好转

大四了
我在做什么??
我做过什么??

突然好像放下一切
去外国背包旅游打工一年
忘记时间忘记烦恼忘记忧伤
可是没有勇气
我做不到
要怎么样, 才可以
开心起来???

Everybody can be a CSI

2011-01-30T01:29:00.000-08:00

I went to CSI exhibition in Singapore National Science Centre. The exhibition is origin from USA with a cooperation of CSI LAs Vegas TV darma series, that’s why u can see there is a lot of drama character inside the exhibition. No photography is allowed strictly, that’s why I can’t take picture. I’m sorry.

Frankly speaking, there is nothing much I can learn from the exhibition.. a lot of thing we already learned in our courses, like entomo, toxico, bukti fizikokimia, crime scene processing, DNA fingerprint and so on. The crime scene they provide are very very “real” except the body is not a real body.. But the crime scene they provided is really really dark, in a glimmy yellow light, that’s why I lost of many important evidence at 1st sight.. lol.

In the exhibition, 3 cases was provided. Visitors were provided 3 handouts about the cases and some easy objective questions on it. The exhibition is more to evidence analysis rather than crime scene processing. Evidenve was analysis by all ways, and we only compare with the sample from suspect/victim to get the answer. Pictures and videos were provided, so is basically watching video, gather information, listening autopsy report and u will know who is the criminal.

1st case : A House Collided. The crime scene is a living room with a car crushed in. There was beer bottle, half eaten pizza hut, pillow on sofa, blood dropping (round shape due to gravity), blood drag marks, muddy shoe print on the carpet and a body found inside the car with head injury, and a blood stain on the windshield of the car. Evidence analysis shows that

i)A blood palm print on car and beer bottle belongs to unknown suspect. But victims DNA was found on both half eaten pizza and also beer bottle saliva DNA.
ii)Muddy shoe print comes from a kind of shoe brand that did not belong to victims.
iii)Trace evidence test show that the red fiber found on victim’s head comes from the pillow on the sofa.
iv)Blood spatter. Round shape of blood drop show the body had been moved by someone who left a blood palm print on the car.
v)Amazing thing comes. The toxicology report showed the alcohol concentration inside victim is 0.00% BAC.
vi)Autopsy showed the last meal of victim is pizza. But there is no ribcage fracture and organ injury that will normally occur in car accident. The COD is blunt force trauma to the head but this is not caused by the forward hit force of head to the windshield of the car.
vii)DNA found on pizza and beer bottle then analysis again, identical to victim, but also a match in CODIS and come to victim’s identical twin brother. He probably is the unknown suspect for this case.
Conclusion : I didn’t watch the final result of investigation, due to too many people and crowded. But I guess the identical brother crushed his car into living hall and kill the victim. Then moved the dead body into the car pretending it was a car accident.

2nd case : Who Got Served? The crime scene is a girl body found in a small street beside tong sampah. There is a photo was teared apart, the handphone and wallet was found next to the body. A packet of white powder in her handbag. There is tyre impression on victim’s body and fly (kononnya, sebenarnya model lalat saje) on her hand. Victim was wearing proper uniform, no sign or rape or injury, with a name tag is Penny.

i) From her handphone, her last sms is to a friend named Diana girl, on May 4, 10:22pm. From her previous sms, she is going to have a party with the Diana girl on the night she went missing.
ii) The picture was teared apart, the fingerprint found on the photo belongs to Diana Reiley.
iii) The tyre impression comes from a stolen car in crime lab garage.
iv) Toxicology report show the white powder is actually fentanyl, streetdrugs.
v) The entomology show the 3rd instar of larvae on the body, the PMI is 3 days death, probably May 4 or early May 5.
vi) Post mortem show she has lung, ribcage, organ puncture but no blood haemorrhage, which means she was already dead before she was ran over by the stolen car. The is no special abnormality or wound found on body. COD not yet determine, pending for toxicology report of the victim’s blood.
vii) The name tag on the body is Penny, but victim’s DNA show she is a missing person database. She is actually missing daughter of a couple named Lucy Cannelle.
Conclusion : I didn’t watch the final result of investigation, due to too many people and crowded. But I guess the primary suspect is Diana Reiley and her COD may be drug fentanyl overdose. She may be run away from home and meet bad friends. Drug addiction may be. The runover by the missing car may be belongs to the Diana Reiley.

3rd case : No Bones About It. A body skeleton was found in a desert, a bullet hole of the skull and a ring on the left hand finger. A hair sample and a few plants seeds are on the body.

i) The bullet recovered belongs to .45 calliber.
ii) The bullet and barrel scratch marks on the bullet has match with Rutherford 555-4134 registered under Mark Walton.
iii) Botany showed the seeds came from the plants around the desert. Except 2 special plants named Pot Marigold and Oregano.
iv) Anthropology and dental analysis show that the victim is Mark Wilton, who was the owner of the gun. Reported missing since 6 years ago.
v) The hair sample found on the body is a dog hair and has a match with a Weimaraner (named Max) belongs to the victims ex wife Sylvia Walton.
vi) Sylvia Walton said she didn’t meet her husband for a very long time since divorce.
vii) The autopsy show the COD is gunshot to the head and the manner of dead is homicide.

Conclusion : I didn’t watch the final result of investigation, due to too many people and crowded. But I guess the murderer may be his ex-wife and further investigation will show the presence of pot marigold and oregano plants around her place and also the missing murder gun in her house.

A very good things about this exhibition is that all evidence analysis was demonstrated ad explained briefly. Microscope was there to show the scratch mark of bullet, seeds plant identification, dog hair, red fiber and so on. They showed how to measure bullet caliber, how to analyze tyre print and shoe print, blood spatter, how to interpret the DNA fingerprinting (like Dr.KO teach in class recently) and so on.

After all, it’s really a very nice exhibition and really worth a trip for all of us (^-^) Try to visit there before it end on 20th Feb, normal price is $21 for the exhibition and national science centre(damn fun also, wakaka, got fire tornado show, whoa!!! Go see my picture), Digi user got discount ($16.80). But u really need to allocate around 2-3 hours so that u can processed all 3 crime scenes and finish all the evidence analysis. U can key in ur information in the computer provided to listen to the final investigation result from LVPD. I didn’t do that, too crowded and there is a school trip at the time also.

After u key in the information, u will get a “Forensic Science and CSI Diploma certificate” Singapore dollar $10. I got one for crime scene one (free through e-mail), the rest two I didn’t key in becoz there is a long long Q and a lot of very very not patient school kids behind me. Come and ask me questions about the exhibition and I’ll try to answer u as I remember.

P/s: sorry for grammar and spelling error.. I’m a bit busy helping my mum for the CNY celebration. Have a nice holiday friends.

My best buddy~~~

2011-01-11T05:29:00.000-08:00

Today, i'm gonna introduce a VVIP in my life.. Hehehe..

i get to know him during my 1st year, during volunteer in AUG

he appeared to be one of my "cambodia" team during rehearsal

and he is the very very 1st China friend in my life.. hahaha..

i was so damn curious, so chat a lot, and we become close friends

well, he helped me a lot, especially during my hard time in 1st year life

endless comfort, endless care, endless encouraging and also his shoulder.. >.<

after i move to Bangi campus we get even closer.. hahaha..

hang out together sometimes, dinner

until he get a license (wonder where on earth he manage to get one) and a motor

and he used to buy a lot of gifts to me.. hehehe.. so shy (>0<)

toy, food, tea, anything from China..

he went to batu pahat 1 time, only 1 night, don't have enough time to bring him around

hopefully he will come again gua~~~

his parents came kajang, had a nice dinner with them

they bring gift again.. aiyoyo, so paiseh.. (==lll)

then tmr, he will go back China for his internship, in ChengDu Sze Chuan.

Hehehe.. ask him to bring 1 panda baby for me.. lol

but before he leave, again, he prepare gift for me and my parents ahh~~

he didn't let me know, so i don't have any time to prepare any present for him

so the only thing i can do is accompany him to airport tmr la.. hehe

he is very kind... very "metal-beat" bro~~ damn nice buddy~~~

he treats people nice, although he always said that he wanna "beat" those bad guys.

but i know he seldom really did it la~~ wakaka

anyway, i appreciate and thankful for our relationship..

so nice to have him as my buddy in my uni life..

so nice to have u as my best friend here~~~

i'm gonna miss u and can't wait u to come back here at Sept

thank u very much.. hug hug

Metal-beat bro~~ Dennis Tang JiaSheng

I'm Looking For..

2010-12-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

just passed by mari-kiss-my-ass day.. so wanna wish my dear bloggy belated merry x'mas and also happy new year then.. :)

at 1st i thought i'm gonna spend my x'mas alone with the drama series in my laptop.. luckily my housemate bring her cousin and friends back here to celebrate and counting down in Mama-mia Cafe.. lol.. damn 21st century already full at 9pm, planning to go earlier next time.. hahaha..

ermm.. i didn't make a wish to santa claus this year, nor i put a sock in front of my table this year.. is not that i don't have any wishes, i got a wish, big one.. i made the same wish everytime i knocked my friend's forehead when we say the same words.. i'm not sure whether my wish will come true, just an act that can keep pushing me to look for my dream..

i'm looking for something sweet, something that last longer, something that warmth my heart when i'm cold, something that can heal my mind when i'm sick, something that won't slip away like shooting star...

again.. merry x'mas everyone and hope u all can have a happy new new year ahead..

My mum?? I Tired tired tired

2010-11-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

Haiz... i'm felt so tired when i came back to batu pahat

everytime in fact

sometimes i got the feeling of i wish i got extra class in holiday and not coming back

haiz... problems keep popping out anywhere anytime

i think the main problem is my parents

well, sad to say, especially my mum

my dad has a bad temper

so i spoke "carefully" to him

he did mad on me but not so often

but my mum.....

haiz....

i couldn't understand what happen to her

she is not the mum that i know in my memory anymore

she seems complain a lot

terribly horrorly much

like non-stop

about my dad, his behaviour, his affair

about my small aunt, suffering from OCD and depression

about anything in this family

to EVERYONE

at ANYTIME

sometimes i feel so sick of her annoying sound

she got a bad habit of thinking that she is always right

she used to complain my dad got this problem in fact she also had it as well

not enough with our own home stuff she start to busybody with others' family problem

in fact she is nothing different to be "ke po" as my dad

nothing less "find own problems" as my 3rd aunt

what happen to my mum??

i dunno

is she too lonely?? may be..

well, i just feel

tired tired tired

Recently...

2010-11-16T05:52:00.000-08:00

Whoa.. it's been a very long time i didn't come here to post something about my life.. hahaha..

many things happened, busy with pesta tanglung, buy this buy that (actually is contact lens and sun glasses only, hehe).. then my laptop pengsan kena virus, send to roommate's brother for repair.. then busy reportssss and assignmentsssss.. then busy exam.. then busy holiday-ing~~~

Wakaka.. how fast time really flies, so fast, i completed my 3rd year 1st semester.. i can't deny i did learn many things about forensics (finally~~), but i still can't hold any confident that i can step out from UKM and telling people i'm a CSI student.. hahaha.. messy timetable, messy syllabus, messy lecturers.. well, there is nothing i should be worried for... lol

Recently, i'm a bit lazy.. too relax i guess, eat, sleep, watch drama, feed kitten with medicine, go genting.. timetables seems full and yet i felt so "nothing-to-do" in front of my table here.. lol.. went to shopping, for movies, went genting for fun.. tried archery, act like i'm a real Legolas.. hahaha.. tried so many games that i wouldn't dare to play many years ago, although so covering my eyes for the haunted house.. wakakaka...

Recently, i quite moody, extreme happy and then extreme sad.. a lot of past flash into my minds.. friends, lovers, family.. but i guess is just a period that i just havn't get used myself to the relaxing holiday~~ ohh yeah, this holiday is gonna be a busy one, a lot of "projects" on planning.. Anyway, recently, i'm doing well.. as well as i could tried.. thanks for all people who cares about me.. ^^

It's The truth that u had leaved

2010-08-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

Few months ago, my housemate recommend this song to me.. It's a piano sheet music, written by a taiwan boy named PianoBoy.. At first, what i heard is only a string of melody, with a wonderful combination between piano music and modern bass and tech-no..
At first my friends used to say the PianoBoy is very handsome (although we can only see half a side of his face throughout the whole video) but i really can't deny that the guy is kinda charming.. i used to think people who knows music have a sense of temperament on themselves, it's really charming for me..
And these few days, my laptop went reformat and the first song i decide to download is this one.. Dunno why, just instinct that i can't explained.. change it to mp3 form, play it in my winamp all day long~~ My PT drama teachers always tell us gotta catch the feeling of music, so that we can play the character alive in a better way.
When i hear this song over and over again.. then only i really "catch" the music profile graph of this music.. start from deep down notes, where arguments started.. Then tried everything to explain, but didn't work well.. and tried to recall each other for all the sweet past time, hope both can work it out this time as before.
But suddenly, "Let's be just only friends.." came out from someone's lips, and the other feeling went down.. when all the past time flashed back, the only thing left is all the irony and suffering.. And it took a long time to heal the wound, but once we get back up, we shall carry on in our lives.. No matter how, with a smile on our faces, coz we know there is always hope in future..
Anyway, hope u all can enjoy this... The Truth That You Leave from PianoBoy, special dedicated to all the single man and woman out there in this world..

Buddy and Love

2010-07-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

Life didn't go well for me recently...
Buddy, means a lot for me.. many of my male friends are my brothers, i call them bro in and out.. but not many people can reach the level of buddy, i can count not reaching 10 people in my life.. they are far worth for me, to take risk, or to sacrifice for.. i thought, buddy is the time, when u feel sad, when u feel down, when u fall, then he is the one that gives u hand, watch ur back, push u on and on.... i really think so... but recently i realize, may be i was wrong.. becoz he is so one of the best buddy, we did helped each other through our lives.. but now..
Love, means so much more than these 4 alphabets.. once upon a time, i lived a life without a real love, then i was in love.. then not again... haiz.. i thought, love is not lying, love is the heart that matters most.. i thought there should not be betraying, should not be "play-play".. i fall myself so deep in the mud of love-pool, make myself so dirty and almost drowning in it, until now that makes me can have myself off completely.. i shall leave this thing away, long time ago, shall i not??
May be it's time to get prepared for my actor audition, daylight in a cheerful, nighttime in a sorrow one..
this is so called actor in a daily life..
i promised myself, i'm not going to cry over these 2 things.. but i can't helped the tears dropping down from my eyes..

When i wear a mask....

2010-07-17T18:43:00.000-07:00

i bought a mask for myself
for the daily masquerade
it's not a beautiful one, nor it's cool
but it's a smiling face
long time ago, there is a friend
he told me he likes my smile
he said it's kinda warm and joy
from that moment, i decided
i decided to light up the world around me
with laughter and happiness
but i dunno since when
smile start to fade away from my face
replaced by tears and fakeful cheer
make i smile and laugh too much
until i overuse my laugh quota i guess
so now
i wear myself a smiling mask
don't try and take down my mask
if u don't mean well
but anyway
i'm still the same little steward
that u all know well~~ XD
Dedicate a song, for u all
"Smile" from Charlie Chaplin
http:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSJc3sSbUqw

Seremban and a whole new world...(^o^)

2010-07-07T04:34:00.000-07:00

Today, i went to Seremban (Flower Town in Chinese, what a beautiful name isn't it??) My friend Wei Xiong invited me last week, i said yes coz i know i'll be in KL these few days.. And he brought his friend also, Chai XIng Yun.. another special friend just like himself.. Well, they came from KL, meet in UKM station then heading to Seremban.. Hehehe.. actually is the 1st time i stepped into Seremban.
At first thought wanna ask Guo Hao about the town, but Lim Zhar Bo said he is busy with project and ask me don't go kacau him.. so we 3 headless flies just simply walk walk see see around this Flower Town. Tasik Seremban has nice lake, nice flower nice plants, but i hardly see any local people there.. Seremban parade a bit old, but bowling not bad.. Sentral One lagi old, but a lot of school kids in and out there..
Well, today i not only went in Seremban, but also a whole new world.. a world of no sound, silent still... Both of them are OKU, they can't speak. But i see Wei Xiong is actually very "talkative", i could see his hands flying non-stop through the air having his sign language and Chai replied him in the same way.. frankly speaking, i couldn't deny there is kinda charming on them.. Wei Xiong thought me some simple sign, should be useful when i see him next time.. Hahaha..
Suddenly i felt i was just like a baby, seeing adults talking and yet i can hardly understand what they are talking about.. We used to take out ability to voice out as granted, and this is my honour to have a glance and feel their world.. No sound, but flying hands up and down, yet is full of joy and happiness.. (^^,) Although heavy downpour and forced us to go back home early (around 2pm).. Crazy rain outside, but inside the KTM coach, i saw sunshine in our hearts.. Thanks for accompanying, WeiXiong and XingYun..

Kukup Island.. float float float

2010-06-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

Hahaha... this time the stone rolled all his way to the Souhtest Point of Asia Mainland~~~ Kukup floating hoise with his friends and friend's friends... Hahaha.. become a UKM and UPM gathering already (Wan sin UTP is an alien, don't care her...lol)
Mei fang bring her coursemates down here, and too bad Batu Pahat here don't have much interest places to go except for countless big big small small temples.. Planning to go for "Touch fish Dua Pek Gong", but raining heavily and the road is flooded.. Then go "Four Sea Dragon King Dua Pek Gong" bai bai and buy some "Bi Xiu" as souvenir.
We went Kluang also, ZenXin Organic Farm, go there cycling all the way, Wakaka.. long time didn't ride on bicycle already.. lol
Then go Kukup lo, floating house float float float, got catch fish with net, but only dare to eat a bit (coz too smelly liao..sorry fishy) Hahaha.. sing K, play 4-leg mahjong, 3-leh mahjong.. i lose like crazy, luckily not the real money..(somehow i still thinking sure JiaYu, GuoHao, AhBeh and XiangLing already "pakat" to bully me~~~ Hahahaha..)
Eat a lot, until my effort of keeping fit had to restart again... but it's worth enough~~~ Hahaha... (^^,)

Time Fly ~~~~

2010-06-25T04:05:00.000-07:00

Today, helping at my mum stall for the busy rush rush friday noon peak hour.. Meet kuen yao, chun kiat, and ah chai little bro.. All of them just got their offered letter from university. Kuen Yao get engineering in UniMap, Chun kiat get actuarial science in UKM (lol, hope can see u often in FST) and little chai get medic in UKM also ahh (very geng ohh right???).. They all are so busy, sah-kan sijil, medical checkup, open BIMB bank account.. Wakakaka
Suddenly, i can saw myself of 2 years ago in them.. Wakaka.. so exciting to get into university~~ So blur blur like a headless housefly, facing so many uncertainty and "Dunno ohh~~" Hahaha.. time really flies ahh, just like a glance of the eye and i'm already soon gonna be a 3rd year senior liao..
But the thing really makes me realize how time slips is my little children in my Seryu tuition class.. already wearing a secondary uniform and get themselves busy with the koko activities.. Whoa.. see, before this they were just small kids still quarreling and yelling (of coz get beaten by Zhang Lao Shi) in the classroom.. lol..
Sometimes, i felt quite warm and happy that i taught in the tuition class and had had fun with the little kids.. although it's not an easy job, but mixing with them really makes my heart stay young~~ They always warmth my heart.. ^^

Haiz.. why am i so fat??

2010-06-12T05:48:00.000-07:00

Haiz.. recently more and more people (in fact almost everyone) are telling me that i'm fat.. the kind of very very fat that i'm just like a pig and should be slaughter and sell in the market..
Some of them are just kidding, some are truly advice, some just tease, and some of them just mean nothing but telling the truth of me.. Haiz.. at first, i thought i'm ok with that since i was young and i'm already very very fat..
Haiz.. sometimes i felt so hurt and so down even though i know they mean nothing..
Haiz.. so sad.. feel like wanna kill myself already..

Rest?? Money?? Travel??

2010-05-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

Aiyaya.. after i had finished everything i had to do, then now i have a 1-month holiday for myself.. What should i do?? Rest?? Work and earn some money?? Or go travel??
At first, i decided i wanna have a rest.. good and deep rest, not that kind of wake up in the morning and worrying something in my mind.. But seems like i can't have it in my house in Batu Pahat, my parents can't stop asking me to do this and that all days long.. Haiz..
Then go work and earn some money?? I thought my holiday is only a month and i'm really lazy to walk around.. There are works for me (Thanks Doann Diao and Jit Han), but i prefer to have mould myself in the house.. :p
Actually i also wanna go for volunteer de, but the turtle program in terengganu didn't want me, and the SUKMA in melaka crash with the making chinese ketupat day of my house.. so these 2 activities are totally out of my plans now..
Last one, is my favourite travelling.. There is a long list for my destination, australia, kuching, ipoh, perhentian again, taiwan, china for friends and my root, and the last one is the most impossible italy.. But all go back to the question: i don't have money..
Aiksss, if i have no money, i can't go travel, but if i go work, i can't rest.. Simple equation.. so what should i do now?? i also dunno~~

Singapore times 2

2010-05-30T02:39:00.000-07:00

These few days just went to singapore with my parents, we drove there.. Because is the first time (i mean driving), so we also dunno where and how the process.. we missed the point to apply autopass card..XD Officer brought me walking back to the kastam and buy it.. aiyoyo.. so embarrasing.lol
First wanna go Zoo de, but the people are so people mountain people sea.. at first traffic jam, we thought was an accident ahead, then when we saw people start to come down from the car and start walking, then only i know the car park is full and people still willing to walk long way (around 800m i guess) to go zoo...
So no choice, we went to hwa par villa, i saw my picture and i knew i was there when i was 3. The scene is almost the same, a lot of statues telling legendary story.. A very nice place for me, but now already less people will go there coz singaporeans rather go for shopping mall with strong air-corn..hehehe
The most important is, we went visit my grandaunts and granduncle.. Glad to see all of them are healthy, having good life, sons, daughters and grandchildren are around them.. although my granduncle is getting older and weaker, but still happy that he got a loud voice to answer people.. (^^,) feel kinda relief and happy for all of them in singapore..
Ermm... although singapore is kinda expensive place for me, but i'm still thinking going to backpack there..lol.. for the zoo and birdpark, wait for me ahh!! lol

Perhentian Island here i come

2010-05-24T03:58:00.000-07:00

Last week, i went to Perhentian Island with my coursemates.. Had had a lot of fun..
My first time trying snorkeling, 2 session and 6 coral viewing spots.. Hahaha.. luckily i know how to swim, but unluckily i couldn't see both sharks and turtles..(My coursemates saw both..(T-T).. ) But the first time close contact with coral reefs and little tinny colourful fish also can cheer me up for the whole day.. Blue sky, blue ocean, blue coral, blue fishy..
Hehehe.. At the same time, it is also my very first time to go up in the sky with plane.. Though is cheap Air Asia, the journey is even less than 1 hour.. but i was so excited up in the air until i couldn't stop taking picture of cloud out from the window.. Hahaha..

I'm back

2010-05-05T02:03:00.000-07:00

Whoa.. it's been a very long time i'm not here already.. since i was busy with my study week, my 2nd sem final exam.. and now i'm busy with my packed 3rd sem.. For statistics, every lecture is going like rocket, u just missed a glance what the lecturer was doing and the next second u would be totally lost.. another one teknik pemisahan kimia the lecturer is going even slower than a tortoise.. haiz.. 2 totally different thing going on both extreme speed..
And the most important thing is, i'm slowly recovering.. my lab demo once said: Love is just like a rose, it's beautiful and yet full of thorns.. people are aware but still can't help to fall into the rose bushes and get themselves hurt all the time.. so i guess i'm one of them..
Most of u don't know, coz i didn't really mention about it.. i was in love, 8 months, we had been as low profile as possible.. but now is all over.. a fellow came in, tall and handsome(i guess), working pro as an accountant, "economically-reliable", and the most important is, he is closer to hold her in his arms while i can't even reach her fingers..they know each other 3 weeks ago before we break up..
At first i thought it was a joke, then only i realized it wasn't.. my lover is leaving me without mentioning the reasons why.. distance?? Money?? 3rd party?? i don't know and i'm lazy enough to guess.. peacefully and quietly, our 8-months-old relationship came to an end.. no fight, no quarrel, no blaming each other, that's not my style.. i shake my tears, and i was helpless at that time.. the irony is, i even start planning what to do for her coming birthday..
But now, after almost 1 month, the wound in my heart is not bleeding anymore, thought the scar remain.. it's hard to get through it but life still has to go on.. my friend once told me when he break with his girl, the reason is the boy's love is too stressful, the pressure is too high above the girl's threshold.. i guess, i also have to learn how to love myself a bit more, without giving too much pressure on others..
So, i stood up after the recovery period, and i move on.. it was sad and hard to let go someone i love, but still i gained a lesson.. bloody but worth enough.. there is always Mr/Mrs.Wrong before we meet the Mr/Mrs.Right.. right?? so now, kiss goodbye to my love..
Thanks for anyone's care, i'm fine now.. (^^,)

When the cancer feel tired

2010-03-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

i just read a post from my friend's facebook profile.. He said he is a failure in the pathway of his life, he made people around him allergy of him.. i feel kinda same with him, this post makes me feel a bit bit down and sad..
Since when, my concern and care is suffocating someone?? i dunno actually.. may be it's too easy to be friendly, may be the horoscope is right, cancer is a caring one.. i was once a typical cancer.. Sharing, caring, helping filled my life and i was very happy of it..
But now, i had changed.. i'm gonna step into the backside.. coz everytime i try to treat people in the way i used to be, it turn up into a mess, terrible mess.. and i became so tired and sick of it.. i give up and i give in, coz it's the heart that matters most.. no matter how, people can treat me like an enemy, but it doesn't mean i can't treat me as my friend.. so i will do my part as a role of friend, without asking or hoping for any return.. i had been picking up pieces of my broken heart from the valley of sorrow for countless times..
The horoscope said, underneath the hard shell of cancer, there is soft brittle heart.. that's why i hide my heart under my shell, with limited access into it.. becoz, i'm afraid of another hurt again..

Colourful Masquerade - Reveal In Twilight

2010-03-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

This is the very first time i had a course dinner with my own very coursemates, seniors and juniors.. yeah, only forensics, not together with other courses.. It was a very wonderful night, with the theme of "Colouful Masquerade - Reveal In Twilight".. We celebrate the graduation of y first badge seniors, means National University of Malaysia (UKM) finally has its own first group of forensics students stepping into the justice field..

We prepared a lot, for the mask (i DIY it myself), for the drama (Why i need to be werewolf?? ithought i'm more suitable for the prince or hero. am i not?? hahaha..) But our 3rd year seniors really did a great job!! They did everything perfectly, the souvenir (my fabourite), the "Award" ceremony.. Hahaha.. everything was just so cool and nice and funny!! I really enjoyed very much the whole night through.. even during the drama i was laughing all the way.. and before i forgot, i got the biggest hamper in the lucky draw session!! Wohoo!!!

Also, i want to say a big thank u housemates for buying me a new shirts.. It is really a nice one..

This is also the first time the stone roll into the most expensive 6 star hotel (the one and only one) Palace of the Golden Horses!! It was so big and full of the "high-class" sense everywhere.. i can't stop taking pictures even if i was in toilet, i even almost lost my way when i was adventuring outside the ballroom.. Hahaha.. lol

I really appreciate and thank u for our senior for doing all of these for us.. Really happy and what a wonderful memory.. We are a family, no matter what is waiting for us in future, but nothing gonna stop us.. Simply becoz, we are a forensics family, forever.. (^-^)

When i stirred the "teh" and "kopi"

2010-03-06T03:01:00.000-08:00

Last night, i fetch my sad sorrow roommate go out for some fresh air.. We went a noisy, but still comfortable mamak stall for the "teh" and "kopi" (Milo and limau actually) stirring session.. Well, irony to say, we had been roommates for almost 2 years, and this is the first time i went drinking with him alone.. Hahaha.. we talk a lot about the days in E307..
Well, these few days, i'm not in good mood either.. i turned around and found myself out of the line.. Haiz.. this is not the first time i faced something like this, and absolutely not the last.. Luckily, i'm tough enough to get it through this time.. Sometimes people are not aware of what they are doing might hurt someone else, and sometimes they don't care at all (may be).. But at the end of the day, "Didn't say" and "didn't ask" lead to same consequences.. Sometimes we expect people should ask, but may be at the same time people are expecting to share..
Same logic, same cycle.. when we switch our shoes may be we will have different point of view, may be we will understand how other feels.. Don't u agree??

Precious in my life

2010-02-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

Well today, i had spent my whole day meaningfully.. really a good one..
i meet with my friends, from LEO high school and also Lion Miss Tan, we chat a lot of things.. i shared my problems last time with her, and she is always so patient and be here with a bundle of advice and guidance for me.. hahaha... Thank u miss tan for leading me so far and always adding inspiration in my mind.. i will treasure and appreciate whatever i have around me now.. i'm not going to let down as i will keep ur words inside my head.. (^-^)
Also, today is a very big gathering for the SRJK(C)Cheng Siu (2) Class 6S 2000 classmates.. Hahaha.. so surprising that many people had arrived for the gathering.. (Sorry i was late) We all had been separating so far and frankly speaking i already lost contact with some of them since we were graduated from standard 6. up until now, the attendace is only half but i was happy enough to be reunion with u guys and having ur latest news..
Everyone had grown up, physically changed, mature, but still same funny faces.. hahaha.. suddenly think of those days playing and laughing in the classroom.. Everyone become so handsome (especially yong lun, what a change!!!) but i'm still same old fat and ugly.. Haiz.. Why ahh?? Tian cherng even worse, ask me to eat all to my heart content whenever and wherever i like, ohh my god!! How wish i can could be as thin as him!! Wuaarrgh~~~~

Did you??

2010-02-05T13:54:00.000-08:00

Did u did the same last time?? I'm not very sure, but frankly friendly speaking i don't think so.. For me, i wouldn't really care since i had been travelled till now..
But since u can get through it last time, then why not this time?? It was just problems that u had faced last few years.. so i know u can do it well..
Luckily i did the right decision last time.. at first i thought i made the decision emotionally without thinking any further.. but now, proven, i was right.. So i think i'm very lucky not to choose u all last time, if i ever would, then sure will hurt me deeper.. like a chinese song: Those u love the most always hurt u the most too..
Recently, seems like the same problems keep popping out from my life, but different people.. and the people around me seems like reacted differently for each individual case.. as well as me..
i can cry, until my eye blind; i can shout, until i lost my voice; i can scream, scream my ung out loud.. after all, these didn't matter now..
But for now, i'm changing.. i already got all my life together now, i gonna leave all the past behind.. i tried and i know how now, and the most important thing is nothing gotta hurt or stop me now..(^^,)

Same old story, but different now..

2010-02-03T07:26:00.000-08:00

These few weeks, the same setting of an old story in my life.. Same plot, same setting, same synopsis.. but now, only the character is different, the main actor in old story spilts into 2, one in front of public, one behind. Both character had been treated differently as they have very different fate..
In the old setting, the main character always felt that he was lonely, he was not part of the team, he was not accepted by the others and he could only face everything on his own.. So he left the team with nothing in his hands, no regret..
As time flies, the same storyline set up again.. but this time, a new person came with his "outer" characteristics.. another new came too, with the "inner" world of that lonely fellow.. Everything start all over again.. but this time is different, the outer is kinda awesome, a lot of "outer" things changed, and i'm not going to mention here, just kinda too long and deep sad sorrow.. it touch the deep corner in my heart..
But the inner part just turned up to be the same as before.. nothing changed.. just makes me a bit sad for this story will go in this way.. poor thing.. again, deep inside my heart and i choose not to write these things in this place..
Anyway, the story will still moving on for a longrun, many milestones to go i think.. let's see how it ends then. hoping is the happily ever after.. That's what i'm wishing for..

When You're Gone..

2010-01-16T17:55:00.000-08:00

When u're gone, pieces of my heart are missing u.. When u're gone, the face i came to know is missing too.. Recently, i think i'm had addicted to this song, its melody and lyric keep passing through my mind.. Because avril had sang the words out loud from my heart, not exactly the meaning of breaking up, but i do got the kinda feeling of missing someone..
Since u been gone, i can't do anything well.. i almost can't handle things around me.. i can't cope with my studies, i can't think of little tiny details, i can't remember things people told me.. i even can't sleep well at night..
These few months will be different, very different.. i gotta adapt the this kind of lifestyle, but i'm not going to get used to it.. I will not let u go.. I know it's all only temporary, only for a few months, but i'm not sure how am i going to face these days without u around me.. I dunno, really dunno..
But still, i gotta be strong as i know u wanted me to, and so do u.. We will work hard together and make it through this time.. Let's take this as a challenge as i know i will tackle it!! I will be right here waiting for you...

Life is hard, but it's not a problem to me..

2010-01-08T01:23:00.000-08:00

Recently, life is getting harder.. all subjects had reached the kinda level that need self-revision and research on textbooks and websites.. Really kinda frustating now.. Still dunno why i can complaint life is too free for a few days ago.. Books, notes, handouts, websites.. a lot of things i have to get it done as soon as possible..
And for the answer i;m looking for days ago, i got it already.. inside my heart, there was a few things i can't really let go.. yesterday had had a nice talk one of my chinese friends, some kinda spiritual and heart-touching topic.. he told me he tends to keep things inside him.. Me too actually, that's why i said we need to let many things go, and try not to be "angried" by little green bean sesame things..
While i really tried to forget about the green bean sesame, then what's left inside my heart is the big big rocks..made me sad again.. haiz..
Well.. may be i just need someone to cry to..

I think thus i'm here

2010-01-03T14:41:00.000-08:00

I think thus i'm here, a direct translate from a chinese saying: 我思故我在. Meaning that people are alive when they are thinking about something in their minds.. Last night i laid on my bed, turning around, from upstair to downstair then up again.. trying my best to get into sleep..
Dunno, just got the feeling that there are something missing in my life now, lack kinda feeling of contented.. i can't explained why, dunno, with no reasons i guess..Then i seek help from friends in 5 lakes 4 oceans..
Chai Hwa said i had been keeping to myself for too long, ask me to get someone to chit chat.. Dennis said i lack of kinda direction in my life, i guess may be my direction is heading to death.. Kah Chun said he is also the same but he got a bouquet of solutions to it.. Ginny ask me go out more often with friends, Kok How ask me watch more drama..
Well, thanks everyone for advice.. i shall try out one by one and see how it works.. Just hoping that i won't stay in this condition for too long, hope can get some kind of inspiration.. i know something serious is going to happen soon, and i better keep my strength and energy for that later..

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

2009-12-31T17:21:00.000-08:00

After a crazy bbq (again with friends from my faculty) and we forgot to count down and only found out the 2010 had arrived silently with the fireworks from other places.. Hahaha.. so we started our very 2010 with a lot of little little smoke flower burning in our hands, light up our smily faces and also our frienships and also future, full with blessing one..
Really enjoyed and having fun, and when the whole new year started, a lot of plans and wishes crossed my mind.. losing weight, getting good result, finding someone i love, travel to wherever i like, etc etc.. a lot a lot.. suddenly got kinda feeling that this 2010 year will be different, crossing another milestone in my life, very different from before.. gotta improve myself, getting better and better, in everything.. friends, family, studies, a lot of things need to do in this year..ermm..
But same thing, when i looked back to eveything i had done in year 2009.. the silly one, crazy one, funny one, stupid one, happy one, sad one.. got feeling wanna scream out loud actually.. all these things changed me a lot in many ways, especially the mind set and thinking part.. may be getting more mature, may be getting worse, may be getting my midn more and more simple.. but anyway, they made me the Teo Chee Hau as u see today..
So, wish everyone of u guys will be having a great wonderful year 2010, all the goals and dreams will come true!! Heading for our brightful future and off we go!! (^o^)

Supposed to..

2009-12-30T05:35:00.000-08:00

i supposed to... you supposed to... they supposed to..
"Supposed to.." is a very scary term for me, it symbolize something that we wanted at the first place, but we couldn't get it at the last. it also explain something that people expect us to do but we didn't in the end..
Today, i supposed to be happy.. really.. i supposed to be happy.. i help my friend for his interview.. (May Dennis get his job..) little little tiny details things like clothes, resume, transportation.. despite of some technical problems, eveyrthing run smoothly.. i went to library this afternoon, meet lee lee there, 1000 years didn't have her news, neither in UKM nor Batu Pahat.. borrowed a kinda self-enrich book.. had a meaningful afternoon actually..
Therefore, i supposed to be happy, even if i should have not, but also not as sad as i am now.. feeling like i need something for me to cry about, a song, a movie, a book or anything else.. just for me to cry.. cry loudly.. i read an article, the author said people shouldn't keep their thinking in their mind as this is very dangerous.. just like we are building a water dam inside there, the more water we fill in, the higher and thicker the dam wall need to be.. then 1 day when the wall can't stand it anymore, it crush down and the person will go crazy..
i'm not really sure how high my water level is, and i also not sure how long can my dam to hang on in future.. hopefully i can let my "water" out from my mind and heart.. not much, just a few mins, in the form of tears..

Inside men heart got caring, inside lecture hall got wallet??

2009-12-29T05:36:00.000-08:00

Today is what an exciting day.. i almost lost my little wallet.. luckily found it back in the last lecturer hall that attended classes.. Thanks god that pretect my little wallet.. Thanks to jen yew, yong shiang and yoon ming stayed back to accompany me and helped me find my wallet.. and mostly thanks to the "miss kind-hearted" in DKG130BB that helped to keep my wallet.. thanks u all very much!! Thank u thank u!!
Well, frankly speaking, if i really really lost my wallet, i am the only one to be blamed of.. really, people around me should know how careless and forgetful i can be.. just hope that this kind of things won't happen again.. Hehehe..
I will try my best to take good care of everything de.. i will try not to forget things.. i will try de.. Thanks again to my buddies, good to have u guys around me..

Boxing day, but not hari tumbuk-menumbuk.. thank u

2009-12-25T22:16:00.000-08:00

This is the boxing day, boxing is not tumbuk-menumbuk, just like Dr Rohi said bear with me is not beruang dengan saya..Hahahaha..
Boxing day is a day of gift, for less wealthy people, such as labourers and servants.. My cousin used to explain to me in this way, during x'mas day, rich people like to have x'mas celebration party in their house, so the workers in the house normally can't really celebrate or rather enjoy the holy moment.. and their employers normally will only give the x'mas present to the workers late at the x'mas night, or leave the gifts in worker's room.. So the next morning when the workers wake up, they can open up their x'mas presents and so called "box"ing day today..
Well, i don't have any box for me to open in this morning.. but i still wanna take this chance to say a big thank u to everyone who are working hard yesterday.. in the hospital, taking care of sick food poisoning people; in shopping mall, serving customers with thousands of unreasonable requests; in grocery shops, to solve problems of not enough food in BBQ; in 7-11, supplying icy cold drinks and snacks for party.. and so many of them... sacrificing their wonderful time, energy, their right to enjoy the moment, just to let other people to enjoy x'mas to the fullest..
One of my friends working in KLCC bakery, wrote in his msn personal msg that x'mas day was a terrible day, he never knew he could made so many cakes and breads in one single day, until he can't really enjoy after his work.. my senior working in casino, said his hand almost broken after finish dealing for the rich people who decide to donate their money to Genting casino.. Hahaha..
So today is a day for us, who already had fun yesterday, to greet our biggest thank u.. to those workers who allowed us to spend our wonderful x'mas with our beloved one, while them gotta work non-stop during the celebration yesterday..
A big big thank you to all of u, enjoy ur moment yeah.. happy boxing day.. (^^,)

Hallelujah - Merry Lonely X'mas

2009-12-23T18:54:00.002-08:00

Hallelujah.. A song my friend (Karl) put on his facebook and i just can't help myself fall in love in it.. Because in the melody of hallelujah, i found a sense of peace in my mind.. I couldn't explain, surprisingly, the voice of IL Divo give me kinda secure and peaceful feeling.. Hahaha.. may be my previous life was a christian.. who knows??
X'mas is coming, same old joyful song, same old mercy wishes, but this year.. i choose to stay in my house.. may be will go out to have meal (but i rather to cook myself) People used to say, we gotta celebrate x'mas with the one we love, family and friends.. kinda of happiness i guess.. but this year is a bit different, my beloved family is in Batu Pahat, someone also very far far far away from me.. only left me alone to sing the merry x'mas to myself in mirror.. Hahaha...
Last night i laid on my bed, for very long time before i got into my weird dreams.. Thinking of lots of things.. problems i'm facing now, problems i can't really solved, problems that coming to me soon.. all make me become a bit down down sad sad in this peaceful christmas eve.. A lot of things came into my brain, made me almost wanna go crazy go mad..
Well, no matter how, merry x'mas to everyone, may u all can have a wonderful x'mas with your most beloved one..(^^,)

Add oil add oil.. don't give up!!

2009-12-22T04:09:00.000-08:00

10 days ago, late at night, my friend met an accident.. serious one.. very very serious.. her brain and ear get hurt badly.. at 1st got a lot of bad news, brain hemorrhage non-stop, pain non-stop, screaming non-stop.. Melaka Pantai very expensive, so UPM help her family by transfering her to HUKM and sponsor her medical expenses..
just now went to visit her in HUKM, felt relief, because her condition is far much more better than i expected.. Really happy for her, almost wanna cry dy.. Suddenly all the things happened together in school ago all flashed back into my mind..
Now she already fully awake, conscious.. but she seems like can't recognize some of us..(we know she need time to recover her memory) and she seems like keep repeating the same thing again and again.. may be is due to some blood clog in her motor nerves or brain.. but her condition is really really just like the same old her, so fierce, voice very loud.. every single word, every single movement, every single reaction, tell us she is still the same.. now is just the matter of time, she need some time to get through her darkness..
But we are still with her, especially ah kim, stay beside her almost everytime.. accompany her.. Ah ting, jia you jia you add oil add oil.. you already improve a lot!! We together can do much better de!! Keep it up!! We are waiting for u in Batu Pahat..

First day in new semester..

2009-12-21T19:37:00.000-08:00

Well.. today is the 2nd day of my 2nd sem in the 2nd year of UKM Forensic science.. hahaha.. not very meaningful actually, some lecturers didn't enter lecture hall for the 1st lesson, some already start teaching, some just told us we will have an open book test.. last night just went to Jusco to watch Avatar..quite good actually, i could see the script is really a good one.. and now i'm eating the tang yuan (instant one, from Tesco) since today is dong zhi for the chinese.. tang yuan used to symbolize a family happy together.. but now i'm not with my family, but all my friends around me.. kinda same actually, we stay together, live like a family in the same way.. and also is one of my best buddy dennis birthday, gave him a money piggy, hope can help him to save money.. the piggy is actually very cheap one, hope he won't realize that, and i did some decoration on it and again hope he will like it!! Hahaha... still have another 2 hours lecturer later at 2pm, not sure whether will the lecturer come.. Everyone, happy dong zhi and enjoy ur tang yuan with ur beloved one.. and happy birthday for dennis, hope he will have a better life than me.. may all his wishes will come true..

Single Forever

2009-12-19T20:14:00.000-08:00

These few days, a lot of things happened.. backpain, food poisoning, stomachache, suffering for almost 2 weeks.. now already get well anyway.. family travelling around KL, from happy mood until quarrel situation.. Haiz, felt a bit lazy to face a lot of things.. there is a chinese saying:"成家立业", means u gotta have ur own family in the first place, just then u can fully concentrate to strive in ur career.. but now i'm thinking, may be i won't have my own family.. seriously, i got this thought in my mind, may be i'm not getting married next time..not only the case of my dad and mum, but also a lot of things i had been faced recently.. i actually doubt whether will i have the strength to built up my little love home.. Anyway, now is not the time to worry about this, but the time to settle down my feeling, facing the new semester in UKM again!! Let's go!! (^^,)

Friends, walking together, hand in hand..

2009-12-11T06:53:00.000-08:00

These few days, having yum cha and coffee with a lot of new friends.. Suddenly realized that i had not meet some of my friends long long time ago already.. Hahaha.. all the old times flashback again in my mind.. we had been playing, running, screaming and laughing together.. not only in SMK Jalan Kolam Air(still miss this name lah..XD) but also in High School Batu Pahat.. just couldn't imagine how fun our life was during those worryless days.. Hahaha..
Now, most of us are university or college students, some even are working now and some even had get married!! Hahaha.. time really flies, really really fast.. everyone had grown up now.. SO i'm here, wanna say a big big thank u and a big big warm warm tight tight hug to everyone, thanks for sharing laughters and tears with me..
Some of you may see it, some may not.. but never mind, i won't ever forget, those days, when we were walking in the journey of friendships, side by side, hands in hands.. I love u guys.. Muakszzz..XD

Race root - Chinese Medicine

2009-12-08T00:11:00.001-08:00

These few days i got very serious back sour pain (thorax&lumbar), especially today.. i almost can’t get up from bed, the pain is kinda visceral pain, tha pain extend from my spine, along circumference to my abdomen part.. Actually this is not the 1st time i got back pain (3rd time instead), but this morning is the most serious most painful one, so i go for the Chinese traditional clinic.. The doctor is very young, but kinda cheerful.. He said my back pain is not due to the improper posture, but also part of my digestive system, he said he can see that from my pulse..(Whoa, so geng ahh..) He asked me whether am i suffering from any digestive problem, stomach, liver or something else, but so sad i wasn’t..
Then i get the 1st try in my life of Chinese traditional therapy, the pot plucking and needle + electric therapy. The pot plucking takes around 15 mins, using bamboo, i couldn’t figure out how he made the bamboo suck on my skin.. (i bend down on bed, so i can’t see anything..) and the needle + electric is around 20 mins.. (again, don’t ask me how, cause i can only see the floor and the wall..) just felt like mosquito biting plus small electric shock.. Hahaha.. kinda fun actually, but my back really really sour during the therapy loh, but now feel better dy.. Hahaha..
Actually i also not sure whether my back sour pain is related to my ill spleen or not.. i already ignored it for nearly 10 months, not thinking and not worrying, just hope it will get better or heal by now.. Hahaha.. a bit a bit worried la, since doctor said i don’t have digestive problem, quite weird a case for me.. Hope can get well before new semester start..(^-^)
In a nutshell, where there is not nut in the shell, Chinese tradisional medicine, geng ahh!!!

Singapore walk walk see see

2009-12-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my little brother and i went to singapore for a simple 1 day trip.. Quite fun actually, we were walking around, seeing new things, learning and widening our experience. Despite of the expensive currency and the spending over there, singapore is quite a nice place for people to explore and enjoy..Actually this trip was quite a sudden decision as i never expect i would go there de.. The main cause is the Human World Exhibition in singapore national science centre, and my little brother just got his new passport, that's why off we went together with my sis..
The exhibition is quite a nice one, very educational, teaching a lot of knowledge about human body structure and of course the diseases.. But for me, the plastinated body really look likes a plastic one (kinda technology success i guess) not horror as the advertisement but is really really exactly the same as we learn in biology books.. A lot of nerves, muscles, bones.. arranged and labelled so neatly, very fascinating for me..The national science centre also not bad, a lot of knowledge to discover, especially the technology and IT part (but sorry not my type la..paiseh lo)
Then we also went to the famous orchard road for the air-corn.. very hot leh!!! And we walk walk until evening time for the photoshot session..
Anyway, at least it was a trip (half-backpack) to singapore at least i made use of my passport for another time.. Hahahaha.. The photos is in facebook.. thank you..

I can still recall our last summer

2009-11-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

These few days, i had been meeting a lot of old friends, from kolam air, from high school, drinking a lot of tea, eating a lot of supper..(Ohh..No!!) When we were updating the news, who had get married, who already in relationship, which couple had broken up.. Suddenly i got the feeling like we were still in secondary school life.. Chatting, teasing, laughing.. How miss we were if we could back to those old worryless day.. Thinking of the old friends really helped me to warm up my heart..
Now, some of us are working, some are still studying, some already be a father/mother taking after children.. but no matter where we are, no matter what happen, Batu Pahatian will be all together!! Hooray for the little small stone town!!

Thinking of old days..

2009-11-28T04:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday is my cousin wedding.. One of the closest cousins in KL..
Hahaha.. i still remember when i worked at his house as a gardener 7 years ago.(Whoa, really long tima ago already..) A lot of funny and crazy things happened there although in just 2 months.. Hahaha.. sometimes just can't believe we all had grown up and he was married last night.. He is now helping my uncle to take care of the green nursery and also doing some flower arrangment, kinda strong artistic sense coz he is really good in it.. He really took good care of me when i was there (He was 21 and i was 14), taught me a lot of new things and thinkings.. I couldn't deny the 2 months staying in his house really opened my mind and horizon..Hahaha..
Sometimes, when i falshed back to my past, it was really kinda funny coz i was really a stupid fool (now still too).. Hahaha.. Anyway, congrets to my cousin and hope he will be a father soon!! Add oil ahh, gambattekudasai!!!

Painting is not easy.. (@-@)

2009-11-23T02:34:00.000-08:00

Today i started to help my mum to paint a house in Senggarang.. We decided to paint the downstairs (garage, living hall & kitchen) in milky vanilla while upstairs (rooms) in light purple colour..
At first i thought is very easy to paint the whole house since it is still empty, and my painting job can be done faster.. But too bad!! Painting is not as easy as rolling the rollers.. (as i thought).. At first, i took almost half an hour to open the paint can.. the cover is too tight!! And another 10 mins to stir it well, mix some water then only the painting work started..
I thought the angle and high wall will just a "kacang" for me..i thought so and now i really regret.. It's too troublesome to climb high (With ladder of coz..) to paint the high part and come down again to roll my roller in the paint tray.. and the angle had to be painted with a small brush with a small can..(again, climbing high and low to refill my little tiny can)
After the whole day, i only manage to paint the upper vanilla part in garage and kitchen, tmr will be continued with lower kindergarden orange part..(Don't ask me what kind of colour is that and why, my mum called it so..) After whole day painting, i felt so tired.. wanna sleep ahh.. ache here ache there, i wonder am i really become older liao..
In a nutshell, where there is no nut in the shell, painting is not easy ahh!! Hopefully i can finish it all before cousin wedding in this weekend or may be singapore trip at december..

Is the start of something new..

2009-11-21T07:46:00.000-08:00

Well.. don't know why (really dunno).. today i suddenly got a feeling like wanna start a blog.
That's why i'm here, with the very first blog in my life..
Inside my world, there is a lot of secrets, a lot of thoughts inside my minds, but most of the time, i choose not to let people know.. seldom people know the real inside of me behind the mirror.
Hahaha.. may be is becoz i choose not to write my feelings down in papers (is too dangerous, too many people around me when i was writing) Then i gotta come here and scream all my feelings and thoughts out loud.. especially the evil-evil secretive-secretive one.. Hahahaha..
Anyway, to whoever here, a please welcome to you.. and feel free to drop by and leave a msg if u wanna say anything too..